Tears rolled down my cheeks as the worship team sang the closing song. While not unusual for me to lose a tear or two during church, today was different. The truth I whispered into the air around me merged with many voices of my church family, all praising the One we came to worship.
And God was so gentle and reassuring as he reminded me of who He is — the Unchanging God.
You see, I’m in a season of significant changes. A friend of mine even articulated my need to grieve some of these changes, saying that grief is not reserved for loss through death, but for other losses as well. She’s right.
Some might look at my so-called “big changes” and scoff at their seemingly small size. In reality, perhaps the enemy himself is scoffing at me, telling me my circumstances don’t warrant the tears or the grieving process. His lies tell me not to feel what I feel. To suppress my sadness and trudge on, wearing a mask of strength I don’t possess. At the root of this is deceit. The enemy wants to deceive me not only from my reality (I am experiencing loss) but also from my emotions (I am sad). So if I keep moving without processing my circumstances, the enemy succeeds.
This may sound very dramatic to you. But I have found that when I can’t name my emotion, which begins with stopping long enough to gauge how I feel, I’m missing out on allowing Jesus to meet me in my circumstance and walk through it with me. So often, I think we try to stumble through our feelings on our own, thinking we are (or should be) strong enough to power through and turn our frown upside down. But that’s not active faith in Jesus.
Jesus uses everything in our lives, even emotions, as an invitation.
To let him in.
To teach us about ourselves and who he is.
To receive his comfort, love, and truth to wash over our hearts.
To refine us for his purposes.
To surrender to him.
When I’m snippy, overwhelmed, or feeling down, I need to pause and ask why. What is really bothering me? What is at the root of this emotion? Sometimes I need a snack or a nap. But the majority of the time, there is a situation that looms big in my brain, and I don’t detect its size until I pause and name it.
Recently, I’ve brought some big looming things into the light. I’ve named the situations which are stirring my bubbling anxiety. And I’ve learned four truths in the process:
- Good changes can also be difficult changes.
- Change holds both gain and loss, and we carry both excitement and sadness in the transition.
- Multiple changes at once require extra tenderness.
- You’ll have to read to the end for this one!
1. Good changes can also be difficult changes.
Our pastor is retiring. I’ve known this news for a while, but as our church announces and transitions, the knowledge sinks deep in my heart.
And I’m sad.
Pastor Danny and his wife, Kathy — well, I cannot fully articulate their impact on my family and me through their leadership, teaching, and love. It’s their influence that cues my tears. Memories flash across my mind through twelve years of knowing them — of God using both of them to deepen and encourage my faith.
When others have influenced you, knowing their role in your life is changing (even though it’s for their good and God’s glory) is challenging to process.
And it’s healthy for our souls to go ahead and name that. To say it. To bring our true feelings into the light.
This new chapter for our pastor and his wife will be good; I have no doubt God has great things in store in his new part-time role serving other pastors. But it is also hard as I mourn the loss of sitting under the best Bible teacher I’ve ever experienced, one who unpacks the Word in a way that challenges and encourages me. It’s sad to know I won’t see Kathy at church every week, her ready smile and encouragement waiting to greet me. So even though the change is good, it’s also difficult.
2) Change holds both gain and loss, and we carry both excitement and sadness in the transition.
Some dear family friends are moving at the end of the month. We’ve known them for seventeen years. That’s a long time. A lot of life lived together. Meals together. Bible studies. Camping trips. Churches. Projects. Skiing. Requests prayed, and prayers answered. Kids growing up. Friendship through some tough seasons and shared joy in life’s celebrations.
Life shared.
While we’ll still be friends, the proximity is changing. They are moving out of state to be closer to family. No longer a four-minute drive to their house to pick up a Star Wars costume she’s letting me borrow for my boy for Halloween.
And I’m sad (about much more than costumes).
“Life is change,” I hear in my head. Logically, I should know in my forty-plus years of life that change is a reality. I do know it. But my heart still hurts a bit because change holds both gain and loss.
Our friends found a beautiful new house. It’s perfect for them and their family of five boys! I am so happy for them and the way God is providing all they need to follow his direction in this new chapter and new location. I’m rejoicing with them in all the blessings of their move. The gain.
Yet, there is loss, too.
Loss of moving away from friends who love them. There is loss for our family and me — that we won’t live life together here. Change holds both gain and loss, and we carry both excitement and sadness in the transition.
3) Multiple changes at once require extra tenderness.
I messaged Kristen to get their new address to send her our Easter card (taken in Bluebonnets, which makes me extremely happy — see, I can name other emotions, too!). Though I hadn’t talked to her in quite a while, she told me she was praying for me and the transitions I was going through with our pastor retiring and our friends moving away. Her message touched a tender place in my heart that I didn’t realize was raw.
When she asked, “How are you doing with those changes?” it stopped me in my tracks. God used her thoughtful words to make me pause and consider.
How am I doing with these changes?
Not fine.
Her message was life-giving because she didn’t ask, “How are you doing?” She asked, “How are you doing with those changes?” There’s a big distinction there, and I’m glad she asked.
Kristen began the conversation in grace and truth, with a spot-on assumption that the changes were hard for me. How could they not be? Then she reflected the genuine love of Jesus by praying for me. Grace and truth.
Her message helped me push away the scoffs of the enemy and begin processing how I was feeling about the changes swirling around me.
Honesty is such a freeing gift.
We also messaged about our oldest boys getting tall, which brings me to the other significant change in my life.
My twin boys recently turned thirteen, which means I am now a mother of teenagers.
Sometimes, change is unexpected (like great friends moving away), and sometimes you know change is coming (like your pastor retiring), and still, other times, change is just so unbelievable (like the twin babies you brought home from the NICU turning thirteen).
I knew this day would come — the day I would no longer host a cutesy boy-themed birthday party, but one in which hubby would grill extra burgers for their consumption.
But it’s still hard to believe. Teenagers.
The older I get, the weirder time is. And nothing makes the weirdness of time more apparent than being a parent.
I’m very excited about my boys entering their teen years. They are exceptional young men, and I’m incredibly proud of them. I love having a front-row seat to watch God’s story for their lives unfold. And yet, my heart’s a bit sad when I look at their toddler pictures, when I recall special memories, when I realize how quickly thirteen years go by.
1) The change is good, but it is also difficult.
2) Change holds both gain and loss.
3) Multiple changes at once require extra tenderness.
The morning after we celebrated the boys’ birthday with hamburgers and chocolate cake, I stood to sing at church.
Faithful, you are
Faithful, forever you will be
Faithful, you are
All your promises are yes and amen.
Amidst all these swirling changes, my God is faithful. His promises — to be with me always, complete his work in me, and work all this out for our good and his glory — are yes and amen.
He is my constant.
He is unchanging.
He is the solid rock, holding me in a life of shifting sand.
The peace, hope, love, and grace of Jesus washed over me as I sang, nourishing the tender places of my heart.
He is not absent in our difficulties.
Jesus is with us in our awkward struggle to hold both sadness and happiness simultaneously.
Even now, I’m struck considering how Jesus is not exempt from change. The unchanging Son of God left glory and entered our volatile world. He experienced change, too. He knows how we feel.
His body grew from a baby to a man.
He experienced changing emotions of sadness, anger, and joy.
He lived 33 years under earthly time.
He witnessed a variety of changes in the lives of those around him.
He beckoned change in the hearts of those who received him.
He changed the course of death through a cross and empty tomb.
Jesus knows change.
And also, God is unchanging.
A both/and reality.
A reality that gives us hope and assurance in our lives of change.
Change is a reality, and God is unchanging.
Perhaps you are experiencing some difficult transitions right now. I gently ask you, “How are you doing with the changes?” I nudge you to pause and name your true feelings. Bring your emotions into the light to silence the scoffs of the enemy.
Most likely, your emotions are circling around a loss brought about by the change. Don’t downplay or brush off those feelings, which often point back to how you love.
We feel loss because we love.
So, why the stream of tears down my cheeks this morning at church? The closing hymn I could barely whisper? Well, the truth of the lyrics was a balm to my soul. How sweet and tender of my Savior to orchestrate my favorite hymn played on the Sunday I needed its words to wash over me.
Great is Thy Faithfulness, O God my Father
There is no shadow of turning in thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been, Thy forever wilt be
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Morning by morning, new mercies I see
All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Lord unto me.
Jesus is tender with you, too. Whatever you are going through, remember Jesus and his love, grace, and faithfulness, do not change. The fourth truth (and most important thing to remember when we experience change) is this:
4) God is unchanging.
Bring it all to him, friend. He can handle all you feel about the changes in your life. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. We have the permission to be sad and enjoy his comforting presence.
As he has been, he forever will be.
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Could you use some extra encouragement during this season of change? I’ve written several pieces on coping in hope for those of us going through difficulty.
Click here for articles and here for the Cope in Hope ebook.
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